This is something that I wrote while reflecting on my depression and suicidal thoughts over the past few month. This refers to my past in both my younger self and current self as well.
As a child:
I always promised myself that I would never be like you.
I would never leave my family feeling unloved.
I would never drink to be drunk.
I would never medicate myself.
I would never lay in the bed for weeks at a time.
I would never do anything to harm myself.
And yet as an adult:
I’ve made everyone I love feel hated.
I’ve drank because I’m sad.
I’ve thought about taking to many of my own pills.
I’ve laid in the bed for weeks at a time.
I’ve cut and carved things into my skin.
As a child:
I didn’t realize what it was like to feel Alone, Unloved, and Insignificant.
All I knew was that my mother didn’t care.
My mother hated me.
My mother didn’t want to spend time with me.
My mother hated herself.
And most of all my mother wanted to die.
As an adult:
I don’t care.
I hate myself.
I don’t want to spend time with anyone.
I wanted to die.
All because I feel Unlovable, Alone, and Insignificant.
I wonder if there is any connection between, what I’ve seen as a child and how I am?
Did I learn to handle life the way I have?
I mean it would be way easier for me to blame you.
You were the one that raised me,
Or was it the other way around?
What did you expect out of me when you let me take care of you.
Did you expect me to be normal?
After all the things I’ve been through?
After flushing away the last pills you didn’t take.
After picking up the blades you tried to use to take your life away.
After scrubbing your blood off of the floor and then putting everything back in place.
But no I can’t blame this on you I chose to do it too.
I chose to pick up that knife I chose to make the plan,
I am responsible for MY actions.
Life's hard for all 
